| OPINION
| OCTOBER 21, 2005
One Sweet Day
Halloween is your annual chance
to act like a kid, so take advantage of it
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| The Shorthorn: Brandon Leirer |
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With Halloween coming at the end of the
month, no doubt some of you are getting ready for some spooky parties.
Not me though. Parties can happen anytime, but there’s only
one night a year when it’s acceptable to go door to door panhandling
for candy. Well, acceptable for a few of us.
For some reason, many people seem to frown upon the college-aged
soliciting candy from them at the front door. Never one to turn
down an opportunity for free candy, I will try to pass on my knowledge
of how to beat the Halloween political machine with a few simple
tips to keep you well-stocked with free confections well into the
new year.
Tip 1: Take a kid with you. Siblings work best for this. No one
will question you when you show up at their door with a juvenile
trick-or-treater. In fact, you will come out looking like quite
the hero for volunteering your time to help children. This is how
I got into The Powerpuff Girls Movie with no one being the wiser.
Tip 2: Take a little off the top for yourself. Remember, you aren’t
dragging some kid around all night for your enjoyment. You’re
doing it for that sweet, free candy. You are performing a service
for your family and/or community with all your selfless chaperoning.
You deserve some compensation for the invaluable protection you
provided from wandering ghouls and Michael Jackson who may prowl
the streets on Halloween. Tell your young wards that you are checking
their candy for poison. Keep the good stuff for yourself, and leave
them the yucky flavors, smushed candy and those treats that people
staple Bible passages to. Those are probably fine.
Tip 3: Go solo. So you don’t know any young children you can
exploit? No problem. Just explain that you are out there for a sick
brother or sister. Kids are getting sick all the time, so far be
it from anyone to call you out on this. To double your swag, take
two bags and claim you have two siblings with chicken pox or something.
I recommend using pillowcases for all your spoils since they don’t
break as easily as plastic bags, and they let everyone else know
how hardcore you are.
Tip 4: Let people know you are serious. You don’t go up and
say just “Treat” you say, “Trick-or-Treat”.
That’s an ultimatum you are delivering, so it has to be one
or the other. You need to be prepared for either outcome. I usually
pack some silly string, which actually complements my Spider-Man
costume. The mischief you could get away with in a chicken suit
just writes itself. Plus, costumes that obscure your identity are
great for covert ops. If you do get caught, don’t panic and
don’t take off your disguise no matter what lecture “the
man” tries to give you. Just look for opportunities to take
the candy and run.
Tip 5: Pick the right costume. We’ve already covered one aspect
of how picking the right costume will add to your success but don’t
forget that after the candy, the costume is the most important part
of the night. In fact, I like to wear my costume all day long to
get into the proper mind-set. I wear my Spider-Man outfit underneath
my regular clothes all day, utilizing my Tobey Maguire-like good
looks to pull off the Peter Parker alter ego. This way I’m
covered should any Halloween festivities break out over the course
of the day. I just unbutton my shirt and voila, I’m in costume.
If I need to revert back to my mild-mannered journalist persona,
one quick costume change, and I’m Spider-Man no more. Any
outfit that can hide your age and identity is perfect for Halloween.
Remember that Halloween only comes once a year, and it is the only
day of the year where it’s semi-acceptable to put on a costume
and expect free candy from strangers. Don’t let this opportunity
pass you by. Get out there and fight the powers that be by getting
all the candy you can. This night is dedicated to those who are
hungry for mischief and excitement. Just don’t lose sight
of the true meaning of Halloween: He who gets the most candy by
the end of the night wins!
— Josh Morris is a marketing sophomore and The Shorthorn staff
columnist
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