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OPINION
| february 13, 2004
Letter
Getting back to love’s basics
My daughters and I once watched an especially heart-wrenching episode
of “Little House on the Prairie.” Mary is stricken with
brain fever, the family moves to Mankato to be near her, Ma works
in the laundry and Pa works on the railroad. Laura, angry that the
family has been torn away from the farm, prays that Mary will die.
Mary almost does, but survives. Laura is racked by remorse and the
family must sell the farm to keep Mary alive. Of course, everything
turns out okay and Mary survives. Ma quits her job and Pa comes
back from the railroad. Family friends buy the farm just to sell
it back to the Ingalls.
The end music plays, and little girls bob through wildflowers. The
only sound in the room is sniffling. Brimming with melodrama, I
turn to my youngest and say, “Haven, I’d work on the
railroad for you.” Then I pause, swipe a few fake tears, and
muster, “Ezrie, I’d iron for twelve hours a day in a
Chinese laundry for you.” Finally, gripping 11- year-old Savannah’s
shoulders, I sob, “Nana, well Nana, I’d sell the farm
for you.”
Tears roll down cheeks; heads fly back in hysterical laughter. The
solemn scene deteriorates into four giggling girls rolling on the
floor. This has been our ongoing joke, and when things get rough,
inevitably, one of us turns to the other and says, “Why, you
know, I’d sell the farm for you.”
That makes me think about the ways we share our love.
As newlyweds, my husband and I quickly became frustrated with the
reflexive, “I love you too.” We devised an interactive
rhyme, which he will probably deny, and kill me for sharing, but
here it is.
P1: “I love you”
P2: “I love you too.”
P1: “I love you more.”
P2: “I love you three.”
P1: “I love you four.”
Now, that’s a little embarrassing. It’s not like we
shouted this from the mountain tops, but for me, it has more significance.
Every time we say it, my husband invariably stumbles over a line,
I correct him, and we both laugh. These days, we all walk into grocery
stores and stop. Our eyes need a second to adjust to the post-Christmas
flood of red and pink. We all slip on the spill of cartoon valentines,
push past teddy bears to find the pack of gum, and bat the tired
aluminum heart that pings us in the head. Everyone feels assaulted
by love’s commercial expression. No one seems to be laughing.
This Valentine’s Day, we should trust our instincts. Go traditional.
Rather than buying roses, candy and bits of fluff, think back and
find ways to personalize the day. Use pet names and play silly games
with your kids, with your spouse or with your significant other.
Part of the wonder of love is that it makes us feel special. Rather
than relying on fabricated messages and generic gestures of sentiment,
take a moment to reminisce. Get creative. Get back to the basics
of love.
—Teresa Megahan is a 2000 alumna.
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