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OPINION
| UPDATED JAN. 29
Editorial/our view
Love the One You Are With
Accepting and living with a person
doesn’t require anyone to be perfect
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| The Shorthorn: David DeGrand |
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Consumer loyalty is a thing of the past.
Suppose Company A offers what are perceived to be better products
or services than Company B. Consumers will choose Company A, even
if they were Company B customers for years. Many of us are under
the impression that this concept applies to relationships as well.
It is not uncommon to meet adults who have been married two or three
times. They are searching for the “optimal” spouse —
one who will embrace them in every aspect, no matter how immature,
alien or unattractive. At the end of a relationship, our friends
advise us “there are other fish in the sea.” This does
little to alleviate our inner pain.
Indeed, the world contains an inexhaustible supply of significant
others. We never know if the current one is the best until a better
one comes along. The real question is how much of our lives are
we willing to spend on the quest for the “best one.”
Are you willing to be in your 60s before you finally settle down?
This is the hidden cost of switching — if you wait for your
circumstances to make you happy, you may wait your entire life.
Examining this game illuminates a deeper problem. Instead of always
looking for someone who does a better job of meeting our needs,
we need to do a better job of meeting our current significant other’s
needs.
If your significant other bares the scars of a painful childhood,
read Seventy Times Seven: The Power of Forgiveness by Johann Christoph
Arnold and appreciate his or her inner turmoil. If he or she has
some great burden and demands you talk about it, then patiently
listen in silence. It’s OK to master the fine art of shutting
up; not everything you believe in makes sense to others, either.
If they often get into trouble, perhaps they are crying out for
acceptance. Acknowledge them as they are; give them your loving
attention. Encourage them to become better by your example. If they
are intimidated by their relatives, support them at family get-togethers.
Show them how to be the picture of inner strength.
The universe gives us relationships so we can learn important lessons
and evolve. The courtship process eventually pairs us with a spouse
who exists at roughly the same maturity level as ours. Careful examination
reveals that our significant other struggles in many of the same
areas we do. This is actually the opportunity of a lifetime —
a man and a woman can help each other evolve to higher levels of
maturity.
So what’s the trick?
There is no trick. A happy marriage that lasts a lifetime is founded
upon mutual respect, commitment to marital success and each person’s
desire to be better.
Love can actually come later.
In the midst of intense struggles, love is the last emotion you
will feel for each other. Commitment is what will keep the two of
you together during difficult times. Happiness is a choice. Choose
to be happy now.
— Arthur Reyes is a computer science and engineering assistant
professor.
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