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OPINION
| October 10, 2003
Guest Column
A Crack in Style
Say ‘No’ to pants
that show more than we need to see
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| The Shorthorn: Ryan Hartsell |
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When former first lady Nancy Reagan urged
America to “Just say ‘No’ to drugs,” I don’t
think she realized its impact.
Over time, the slogan has proved to be quite versatile. It’s
been shortened to “Just Say ‘No.’ ” It’s
been transformed and refreshed on car bumpers that say, “What
part of ‘No’ don’t you understand?”
And, yes, it’s even been the brunt of a few plumber jokes:
“Just say ‘No’ to crack.”
Seeing a plumber’s crack is always good for a few laughs.
Right?
We have trained ourselves to quietly point and giggle at the exposure
of a neighbor’s rear. It’s like spotting an open fly
or a spinach leaf caught in the front tooth.
It’s one of those things that you outwardly express with pity
(“Poor guy. He doesn’t even realize toilet paper is
caught on the bottom of his shoe.”) But, inwardly, we’re
thanking God that we’re not the ones at the end of the pointed
fingers.
“Just say ‘No’ to crack.” Funny —
right?
Apparently it’s not with UTA students. They take their cracks
seriously. In fact, the university seems to have jumped on the band
wagon of, “Just say ‘Yes’ to crack.”
Tommy Hilfiger and Calvin Klein have said yes to crack. Levi’s,
Old Navy and Gap have said yes to crack.
And too many of the “ladies” in my classes have said
yes to crack.
Crack has found its way into the fashion market through beloved
low-rise jeans.
Low-rise jeans look great when standing up. They’re flattering
to the hips, thighs and waistline. They don’t require unbuttoning
after a heavy meal. There’s no avoiding them; they’re
sold everywhere. They’re the only jeans I wear.
But, fashion comes with a price. History has taught us that there
are two major costs of looking fashionable. One: comfort. Two: dignity.
But comfort isn’t the major problem here. Most low-rise jeans
are made in the new stretch material, which I can only describe
as a gift from Heaven. They’re the most comfortable blue jeans
ever.
So, let’s look closely at that second cost: dignity.
Those jeans may look cute and sexy when you’re standing up,
but it’s show and tell when you’re sitting down.
(With that in mind, why don’t you do your neighbors a favor?
If you’re wearing low-rise jeans right now, slide your fingers
around to your lower back for a little plumber’s check. Now,
that’s better.)
I see full moons in class every day. And it’s not just something
you can tell someone. So, I tried a different approach.
Remember the poem we used to chant when we were children and we
saw the moon out during daylight, “Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon, you’re
out too soon…”?
Well, after my third time singing the chorus, I just got one of
those you’re-a-freak looks. The girl must not have known I
was trying to tell her something. She never got the message , and
I was shown the full moon for the rest of class.
Since being discreet didn’t work, I’m just going to
go right out and say it. Students, pull up your pants! Let’s
say no to crack and yes to belts.
Since belts have come back into fashion this fall, you have an array
of choices. There are the colorful crocodile leather belts, the
suede, long-fringe, tying hip belts and star-buckled belts. Scarf
belts, zipper belts, metal-stud belts — You get the idea.
With all the choices this fall, you’re backside won’t
be left in the cold.
So pick a belt. Any belt. Just please wear a belt.
But, if belts aren’t your thing and you insist on wearing
those new low-rise jeans, try complementing your jeans with a warm,
oversized cozy sweatshirt. You won’t get cold in class, and
you’ll save yourself some embarrassment.
So, for your dignity and for the respect of your neighbors, let’s
boycott the latest fashion trend. Let’s not let this problem
become more serious than it already is.
Join me in starting a new fashion trend — just say no to crack.
— Catherine Cavazos is a journalism senior.
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